Ask for help if you need help.
Simon is a 35-year-old man with two young children. His children don’t know that anything is wrong with their dad. Simon goes to work every day and comes home to see his family every evening.
Simon’s wife suspects that something might be wrong. He has been moody and secretive. Recently, he has been coming home late.
The car has been having a lot of problems. It seems like Simon is always having some kind of breakdown on the road and having to get something fixed. Simon has been taking more and more sick days off from work.
Simon has a secret.
He is not having an affair. Unless you want to call drug addiction an affair.
Just to feel normal and not get sick, Simon has to meet a man every single day and buy pills. The man is a friend of a friend. Somehow, he always seems to have a supply of little blue pills for sale.
Sometimes, they meet on the side of the road. Other times, it is at a gas station. The pills are expensive. $20 to $30 each.
The problem started a few years ago.
Simon was in pain.
He had hurt his back. The primary care doctor didn’t seem to care and prescribed some anti-inflammatory pills that didn’t help. The chiropractor tried doing an adjustment and just made the pain worse.
The heat therapy was nice while it lasted, but the pain came back every night. A friend at work gave Simon some of his pills from his pain doctor. These pills worked.
Simon’s pain went away. He felt great. Everything was fine with the world for a little while. When the pain came back, he just took another pill.
Soon, the pills were gone.
Simon offered to buy more pills from his co-worker friend. The friend said he could not give him any more pills. Soon after, he was introduced to another man who sold the pills.
All Simon had to do was call a cell phone number and have his money ready. There were times when Simon didn’t have money or the man was out of pills. Those were the days that Simon got sick.
He got very sick. It felt like the flu but ten times worse. He was stuck in bed.
Simon hid his cell phone under the sheet, switched to silent so his wife wouldn’t hear it. He texted the man with the pills over and over.
Simon would think about quitting, but the sickness seemed like it would never stop.
It just got worse and worse. When Simon was able to buy more pills, the man asked how he was taking them. The man told Simon that there were other ways to take the pills, and that some people used a needle.
Simon did not want to hear about using needles to get high, but he missed the high he used to get from the pills.
Unfortunately, the little blue pills are not the same pills today.
Simon’s story was written in 2017. Back then, a little blue pill bought at a gas station could still be a real oxycodone tablet. That is rarely true now.
Today, the pills sold this way are usually fake pills. They are pressed to look just like prescription oxycodone, and they are made with fentanyl. Many hold enough to kill, and no one can tell by looking which pill it is.
So, a man in Simon’s position today risks more than his job and his family. He risks his life. Until he is ready for treatment, harm reduction means carrying Narcan (naloxone) and never using alone. If someone may be overdosing, call 911 right away.
Simon wanted to stop.
He wanted to ask for help. In his head, he was screaming out for help, but he could not get himself to say anything.
He didn’t want to ruin his life. He might lose his family. Simon didn’t want to lose his job. He imagined being kicked out of the house and his family having no money. What would happen to the kids?
Simon had to hold everything together. He didn’t know where to turn or who to ask for help.
One day, Simon found a helpline and called it secretly while driving. Someone answered the helpline. He was told that he must check in to an inpatient program to be detoxed. They wanted his insurance information to see if he was covered.
Was there any other way? Who could Simon ask for help?
The dealer didn’t answer.
One day, the man with the pills stopped answering his phone. Simon was going to call in sick, but he couldn’t go home and face his wife again with another sick day. He thought about checking into a hotel.
Simon forced himself to go to work without his pills. While sitting at his desk, suffering, the man who first gave Simon the pills walked by. Simon got up and stopped him.
He shamefully asked his co-worker if he had any more pills. He knew the answer would be no.
But Simon’s co-worker gave him a good tip.
It turned out that the co-worker had gone through a similar ordeal. He was now feeling great and back to his usual daily routine.
He told Simon about a special medication that is just for helping people who get addicted to opioid pills, like the little blue pills that Simon could not stop taking. Simon wrote down the name of the medication and did some research online. He soon found out that there were various online resources to find doctors who prescribe this medication.
Simon found the name of a doctor.
Simon wanted to ask for help. He called the number, expecting to speak to a secretary in a busy office or an answering service. Surprisingly, the doctor answered the phone.
Simon nervously asked the doctor if he could help. He asked about the special medication, named Suboxone. Right away, the doctor said, “yes, I can help you with that.” Simon was given an appointment.
What came next was the end of years of suffering.
Simon wished that he had found out about this kind of treatment sooner. He had confided in his primary care doctor about his addiction problem. That doctor gave him a dirty look and told him that he had “better quit drugs right away.”
This new doctor understood what Simon was going through. The sickness that kept Simon in bed was physical dependence, and physical dependence is not addiction. Simon had both. The dependence was a medical condition, and the doctor could treat it.
He gave Simon detailed instructions on how to make the transition from the opioid pills to Suboxone, a medication that contains buprenorphine. Simon would start at home, once withdrawal had begun, and go at his own pace.
The new doctor told Simon about group meetings that are free, where he could meet new friends who were also no longer using drugs. The doctor also gave Simon the name of a private therapist, to get to the root of the addiction problem and to work on various issues. The doctor did not require either one. Simon decided to try both.
Simon was able to continue with his work.
He was able to stay with his wife and children. Every morning, he gratefully woke up and helped get his kids ready for school. He played with them on the weekends.
The car stopped breaking down all the time. Simon was able to mow the lawn and take care of the house. Things went back to normal for the first time in years.
Simon was so happy about how things worked out, he finally decided to have a talk with his family and tell them what had happened. His wife told him that she already suspected what was happening. She supported him and even started going to his doctor appointments.
Simon made many new friends in his recovery meetings and was even able to help newcomers by talking to them and sharing his success story.
The above story is fictional. Simon is a fictional person who does not represent any particular individual. Your story is probably different, but you may relate to the suffering that Simon experienced.
Powerlessness is not hopelessness.
You may know how it feels to want to stop and not be able to stop. Just one more, and you will quit after that one. Tomorrow you will quit.
The concept of powerlessness, which Simon would have heard about in his recovery meetings, can be confusing. It does not mean that you are hopeless. It means that you cannot stop without help.
The feeling of hopelessness is just that. It is just a feeling. You can ask for help.
If you need help, all you have to do is ask for help.
Don’t be ashamed. Addiction is not a moral failing. It is a medical condition, and there is medical treatment for it, such as the buprenorphine that Simon’s doctor prescribed.
You wouldn’t be ashamed of getting your cholesterol checked. The only shame is in not asking for help.
Dr. Leeds provides buprenorphine treatment to new patients in Florida by telemedicine, with office visits available in Fort Lauderdale. To ask about getting started, use the contact form.
This article is educational. It is not medical advice, and reading it does not create a doctor-patient relationship. Decisions about starting, continuing, or tapering any medication should be made with your own physician.
